Story of the Day

According to an incident report in Panama City, deputies responded to a woman who was felt scared after being gifted with a pair of pink panties.

The desperate guy who gifted the underwear is an acquaintance of the woman's boyfriend, and a stalker, according to this woman.

Apparently he visits her at home when her boyfriend is gone, and drops in on her when she's out with girlfriends.

I'm sure if this "stalker" looked like Johnny Depp, no such incident report would exist! Sounds bad, I know, but there is truth in that.

You can read the article at Man's gift of pink panties backfires

PS: I posted some Pink Panther in this entry after feeling like an overweight and bald pervert googling "pink panties"-seriously.

FILF

Although born in Illinois, thousands of tourists (me included) visit the Key West home of Ernest Hemingway every year.

Ernest, the ultimate literary badass, wrote the majority of his life's work in a den built behind the house.

The summer after I graduated high school, a group of friends and I took a road trip to Key West.

When we arrived at the Hemingway home, it had already been closed so we decided to come back the next day.

Little did we know that the next day would be the 40th anniversary of Ernest's suicide (insert Twilight Zone music here).

The trip was good times and we saw the gazillion kitty cats that live at the house, all descendants of Ernest's pets.

Florida or....Ohio?!

I'm so sad this didn't happen in Florida--but at least it did happen in the Florida of the North: Ohio.

You will often find that ridiculous stories you hear on the news often come from Florida...and when they don't, they come from Ohio.

An example, you ask?
The lady who killed her baby in the oven, well that happened in Florida.
The lady who killer her baby in the microwave--that's all Ohio!

So police were questioning a woman regarding a murder case, when a baby squirrel popped out of the woman's cleavage!

No news if the squirrel is her pet.

Definitely not my personal pick for "animal I would keep in my cleavage"....rabies much?!

You've got to watch the hilarious clip below:

If Florida were a movie, it would be

Larry Clark's "Bully" based on the 1993 real life murder of Bobby Kent, which happened in Fort Lauderdale.

Too make a shocking and intriguing story super short, South Florida teens decide to kill the bully in their group.

There is lots of sex, drugs, nudity, violence, and humidity.

Welcome to Florida.

And if you don't know, now you know.

Story of the Day

Two guys in Deltona made a not-so sweet decision when they asked a Volusia County deputy for a ride home.
Turns out these two had been breaking into cars, and the deputy, either suspicious or racist, told the two he'd have to search them before giving them a lift

A) This is a violation of their civil liberties since the cop had no right to search them BUT
B) these guys were stupid enough to ask a cop for a ride when they burgle cars so they probably don't know their rights.

Instead of finding weapons, the cop found cell phones, GPC devices, and Strawberry flavored Pop-Tarts.
Apparently the nine cars that had recently been broken into in that neighborhood were missing the electronics---and the breakfast treats.

I hope those Pop-Tarts were worth the burglary charge guys!

Read more at Pop-Tarts leave Deltona suspects toasted

Don't read any of the comments people left with this article--not all Floridians are ignorant racists--seriously.

On a side note, my mother NEVER bought us crap breakfast food like Pop-Tarts--we ate our crap at night (Ding Dongs and Twinkies with milk--very healthy!!).

Anyways I had never eaten a Pop-Tart until I was about 22, and that's because a friend tricked me at a movie theatre--it was dark and I thought it was candy--and my Pop-Tart cherry was toasted!

Not my thing, those Pop-Tarts. I'll take a Hostess cupcake anyday.

Famous Florida Rivalries

Walt Disney World vs. Universal Studios Orlando

Winner: Walt Disney World! You can't mess with the mouse!

FILF

Although Dave Barry was born in New York, he's been a syndicated columnist with the Miami Herald for many many years.
His hilarious columns even inspired a television show based on his life called "Dave's World". The show ran for four years with Harry Anderson playing Dave.

Dave's end of the year column was always a must-read for me growing up in Florida. He would go through the years' events by month and give his comedic perspective on politics, pop culture, etc.

You can enjoy Dave's columns here

Story of the Day

Billy Mays, known for his gravelly and robust voice as the TV pitchman for Oxiclean, passed away in his home in Tampa this morning. Mays was only 50 years old (just like Michael Jackson).

There's no known reason for his death. Very sad news.

I wonder if they'll still show his commercials on TV? It will be weird not seeing him passionately promoting those products any more.

Read more on Mays' passing at TV pitchman Billy Mays found dead in Tampa home

MJ RIP

Even though it's only been 3 days, I still can't believe Michael Jackson has passed away. There's never been a time in my life when his music hasn't been around--from listening to his 'Thriller' CD as a little kid (which was one of the first CD's we ever had), to watching "Black or White" and "Remember the Time" premiere on Fox's Sunday line-up (after 'In Living Color' or 'The Simpsons'), or to dancing to "Billie Jean" when I was old enough to go to clubs.

Despite his eccentricities, he left a major imprint on our cultural history.
There is somewhat of a Florida connection in all of this.

Remember his chimpanzee, Bubbles?

Bubbles has been living in an animal sanctuary in Wauchula for the last four years.
You can read his profile on the 'Center for Great Apes' website here

Scientology's Florida Connection (Continued)

As promised, here is the third installment of the St. Petersburg Times' three part story on the Church of Scientology--which as previously mentioned considers the city of Clearwater as it's mecca.

Scientology: Ecclesiastical Justice

I don't mean to bring Suri into this, I just think she's the most adorable Scientologist, like ever!

Famous Florida Rivalries

Winner: No contest, Publix all the way baby!

If Florida were a soda, it would be

Wal-Mart's refreshing answer to Mountain Dew---Mountain Lightning!!
Why would anyone want to "do the dew" when they can "do the lightning"? It's a no-brainer.

Neon color? Check!
Unforgettable name? Double check!
Ingredients include rust-cleaning agents and yellow-5? Super check!

Story of the Day

No glove, no drugs?!

A man in Crestview was arrested for trying to traffic Oxycodone after acting suspicious at a one-stop mailing store.
Employees at the store noticed the man acting shifty and grew even more perplexed when he paid with a big wad of cash.

The store manager opened the package and found the pills along with two unwrapped condoms.

I wonder if he was sending the package to someone in jail? That makes sense to me. Which is sad and means I've seen WAY too many National Geographic Channel documentaries about prison life.

To read more check out Man caught mailing drugs, condoms

And doesn't that condom dress freak you out? Aah!

FILF

Burt Reynolds is the ultimate FILF! 30 years ago!
Although born in Michigan, Burt grew up in Palm Beach County and stayed in the Sunshine State for college.
Burt became a Seminole attending FSU and joined their football team. After a football injury, he decided to be what he was born to be a STAR. A hairy sexy STAR.

Although movies like "Deliverance" and "Boogie Nights" usually come to mind to most people when they think of Burt, I always think of "Cop and A Half" (best movie made in Tampa ever---take that "Striptease--also starring Burt Reynolds!)

When not making movies, Burt can be seen as a contestant on 'Celebrity Jeopardy'.

Story of the Day

A man in Ft. Pierce tried to sell bread as crack cocaine. Now I think I've heard everything.
When deputies arrested the man, he told them it was bread on not real crack.

Now, crack is whack. Bread is definitely not whack. Selling bread as crack? Whacky.

I feel like eating a sandwich after reading this story. Maybe on a crusty French baguette or some ciabatta bread?
Great, this crackhead got me hungry again!

Read more about it at Ft. Pierce man suspected of trying to sell bread as crack

Scientology's Florida Connection

The St. Pete Times has a special report on Scientology that is getting lots of buzz from the Associated Press, L.A. Times, MSNBC, and many more---very cool St. Pete!

The Church of Scientology has a very strong Florida connection. They have headquarters in beautiful Clearwater and many set ups across West Coast Florida, including a storefront in Ybor City and a stand at the Westfield Shoppingtown in Brandon. It's a stand and not a kiosk! I worked at a kiosk in high school and I was always very offended when it was called a stand. But I digress.

Coincidentally my bosses were Scientologist at this kiosk job but I sold jewelry---I did not audit people. And that's all I'm going to say about that because I don't want Xenu to visit me in a dream!

The first part of the report is called The Truth Rundown

The second part is Death in Slow Motion

I guess the third part comes out tomorrow! I'll make sure to check it out!

FILF

Although she was born in Sicily, Sophia Petrillo has lived in South Florida ever since she was placed in the Shady Pines retirement home by her eldest daughter, Dorothy. Sophia moved in with Dorothy after Shady Pines was damaged by a fire.
Living with Dorothy provides Sophia with non-stop comedic material thanks to her roommates Blanche and Rose.

Sophia loves a good cheesecake and enjoys sharing stories of her life in Sicily.
Instead of "once upon a time", Sophia likes to start her stories with "picture this.."

Florida or....Oregon?!

Occasionally I will hear a story and be VERY surprised when I hear it didn't happen in Florida.
I'll make sure to post these stories as I hear them too and then you will wonder, "Seriously? This didn't happen in Florida?"

A perfect example of this comes from Oregon.

A woman in Portland was arrested this week for violating a court order banning her from owning bunnies.
An employee working at the hotel where the bunny freak was staying reported finding rabbits in the hotel room.

This bunny-lover was arrested back in 2006 when police found 250 (!) rabbits in her house, including 100 dead and frozen ones. Yum!

Then in 2007 she was arrested again for stealing back about 150 of her 250 rabbits (hippity hop, hippity hop)

I guess if this had happened in Florida, it would have involved amphibians of some sort.

You can read the rest of the article (and even catch a glipse of what this rabid rabbit fan looks like) at Oregon woman obsessed with rabbits arrested again

Story of the Day

The city of Brooksville has just passed a strict dress code that requires all city workers to wear underwear and deodorant.
Any worker repeatedly caught without underwear or exposed underwear, for that matter, can be fired.

I wonder how many complaints were filed against stinky city workers for this to reach the city council.
Don't they have more important matters to discuss? Like firing workers who talk to much about their weekends or their grandchildren when NOBODY cares.

Now that's something I can stand behind. But I can't guarantee you I'll be wearing underwear.

To read more about the new dress code check out City in Florida Adopts New Dress Code

I know, FoxNews sucks.

If Florida were an object, it would be

Story of the Day

Florida is often connected to bizarre, and often unfortunate, stories---and this is no exception.

Police arrested an 18 year old kid from Miami for mutilating and killing 19 cats over the last 4 weeks. SO disturbing.
He was charged with 19 counts of felony animal cruelty and 4 counts of burglary. The judge also ordered he get a psych exam (DUH) and set his bail to about a quarter million dollars.

This isn't a crazy, silly Florida story I like to read. This one is just sick and sad.
At least they caught him now before more pets were killed. Who knows what else he could have started killing too.

You can read the whole article at Charges in Series of Cat Killings in Florida

FILF

Morty and Helen Seinfeld from Del Boca Vista!

The Seinfelds are retired and reside in a lovely condo in Del Boca Vista. Their son, Jerry, will sometimes visit all the way from New York City.
Jerry's visits often cause trouble for the Seinfelds, including when Jerry bought Morty a Cadillac, causing Morty's neighbors to believe he was embezzling from the tenant's board of the condo association. This eventually led to his impeachment, along with the realization by a member of the tenant's board that Jerry had stolen her Marble Rye bread. Oh Jerry!

Although Del Boca Vista is fictional, the city of Boca Raton (located in Palm Beach County) has a substantial Jewish population and is likely to be the real city where the Seinfeld's would have retired to.

Get Ur Shuttle On

The space shuttle Endeavour is set to launch tomorrow morning at 7:17 am EST from Kennedy Space Center. In Florida!
The purpose of this flight is to make it to the International Space Station to help in the assemblage of the Japanese Kibo laboratory complex.

At least that's what they SAY they're doing when we all know it's to play the first ROCK CONCERT IN OUTER SPACE!



To follow the Endeavour and any future space shuttles go to NASA

Classic Moments in Florida History: Electile Dysfunction

Remember when Florida gave the election win to W?
And by 'gave' I mean, the governor of Florida let his big brother win?

Yeah, that sucked.

At least Florida took a blue pill and now it's a Blue State!

Story of the Day

Somebody's been watching too many Lifetime movies!

Police in the Orlando area are investigating an ad someone posted on Craigslist trying to sell a baby. A woman contacted police after she found the ad while looking to buy baby furniture.

As somebody who collects baby clothes, I've never found a 'baby 4 sale' posting.....guess I'm looking in the wrong place! Just kidding. About the baby clothes. I think that's a funny yet really sad hobby. Collecting. Baby clothes.

Anyways, police are trying to get to the bottom of this. Although it may be just a hoax, there was a case in Canada where I man tried to sell his baby for $10,000 (hopefully in US dollars and not Canadian!)

I don't see what the big deal is. These little criminals tried to sell their brother and THEY never went to jail!



You can read more about the baby ad at Craigslist ad for Orlando-area baby still under investigation

FILF

I picked Jim Morrison to quick off our "Floridian I'd like to F" entries because he's a particularly sexy Floridian and I was REALLY into "The Doors" in junior high school---I even had a "The Doors" patch on my backpack. And I would listen to their music in my bedroom with my black light on and stare at my swirly black light poster--so sad!

Anyways, Jim was born in Melbourne, Florida and although he moved around a lot as a child, he moved back to Florida to attend St. Petersburg Junior College (what up Pinellas County!). He later transferred to FSU, where he was arrested for a college prank. Check out the not so sexy mugshot.

After making trouble in Tallahassee, Jim decided to move out to Los Angeles...and the rest is history.

'Seriously?' Story of the Day

This story might make you gag! And ask "Why!?"

So a man walked over to his truck and found a naked crazy guy sleeping inside--and he was covered in poop! WTF?!

When the cops came to arrest him, the naked guy went to grab some poop to throw on them, so the cops had no choice but to tase him.

Had I been one of the cops that arrived at THIS scene, I would have

a) probably thrown up and b) put in my resignation and c) thrown up some more.

This crap (literally) went down earlier this week in Destin, which is in North West Florida.

I like to think this kind of thing would never happen in West Central Florida....guess we will have to wait and see.

You can read all the nasty details here:

Naked man, covered in feces tased after truck burglary

'Seriously?' Story of the Day: Manatee Orgy Edition

This past Sunday, beach goers at Lauderdale-by-the Sea got more than just a gorgeous moonlight night on the Atlantic--they witnessed a full on manatee love sesh.

Apparently one hottie of a sea cow attracted nine male manatees who decided to follow her right on the beach and engage in "relations".

You can read all of the juicy (or not so juicy) details here:

Manatee love: 9 males woo a lone female on Broward beach

The population of manatees in Florida has been dwindling, so I'm hoping this "hot date" results in an adorable baby manatee, without the Maury Povich baby daddy drama.

Welcome to Floorduh, The Fun-shine State

In every family there is a certain relative that causes drama and embarrassment. Whether it be a drunk ass uncle that introduces you to the concept of "nooners" or perhaps a crazy slut sister with a mean head butt, these people really exist. And in the family that is the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA there is a black sheep. And her name is Florida. And she's a hot sexy mess.

So welcome to Floorduh, a little blog to honor and defend America's shifty eyed sister.

But I can say that. Because I'm from there. And if you ain't from Florida, you can't say shit, ya heard me!